This is so very hard for me…. I need to post. I have SO so so much to post about – wonderful homeowner makeovers, lovely finishes I’ve created, rooms I’ve made over – even comical pictures to share about our pup Bella and her adventures…. but I’m frozen. I don’t want to post about that – my heart is somewhere else… it is aching, and here it is Christmas time, and I’m having a hard time getting into the spirit. How can that be?
I want to come here and pour my soul… that’s typically how I do things…. but where do you draw the line when things are personal? Do you hold it all in so the nosy neighbors or so called friends don’t know your business? Put a smile on your face and act like things are fine?
Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh….. things are not fine. This will be my last Christmas here at the place that I’ve called home for ten years. My heart is broken. I know its just a house – I’ve been sorting out whats important and whats not for the last couple years… but? It’s STILL been our home… the place we’ve poured our heart and soul – and wallet – in … the place that so many memories have been built with the kids.
We put the tree up this weekend…
Hanging ornaments that reminded me of better times – when we had so much time ahead of us, when a company valued hard work/dedication and effort, when it made perfect sense to purchase a big house with a big mortgage –
My sister and mom would kick me right now – “It’s nobody’s business” they’d say…. Well, it is what it is. No secrets here – no fake smiles on my face – next month when the for sale sign gets pounded in the front yard it will be out in the open. There isn’t much you can do when your company cuts your income in half. Well, you can try and survive – cut out the frivolous spending, all the extras, keep the thermostat low and wear warmer socks… but I’m hear to tell you that after near three years of that, it isn’t making a difference – all its done is make a dent in our savings… This house is meant for a bigger income, lost.
So you face reality, and let the house go, realizing you will lose every penny you put in to it, then move forward and saving so we can start again. Can you imagine that? Well, you probably can – everyone is feeling the same housing value drop – our area has seen values cut in half. My husband has worked hard his whole life, always put work first – over 30 years with a company, the provider – we should be thankful he at least has a job – so may others have it worse than us.
So it was hard decorating this year. Sure, we’ll take it with us, but……
The unknown is what’s the hardest. Its hard not to be scared…
I set up the manger. Talk about ‘scared’ and ‘unknowns’, what about Mary and Joseph? They remained faithful that all was with purpose….
I need to keep reminding myself of that – God is here with my family. He will watch over us and keep us safe. Have faith.
So if I disappear for a few days, don’t worry – know I’ll be back. This is one of the few places I call home that no one CAN take from me!